"NO" is the most common word heard from the teens or even preteens!
In a cordial and deep one-to-one session , i was interacting with a working mom of a teen son, she said, "You know at times i feel myself as the stuffing of a sandwich! One bread is my son; to get one 'yes' from him for any valuable option i suggest, either i need to prepare a lot on how to say that or it will end up with a whole night family fight and i will end up with lot of frustration, irritation, feeling of failure as parent! And the second bread is obviously the workplace............."
How many of you can resonate a little, or just like this or even more with her?
There are lot of studies, ideas and suggestions on how to make effective communication with your child, but at the end of the day somewhere it comes to the point, that we all are human being, a great combination of perfection and imperfection and we are bio objects.
Well, i am blessed to deal with so many parents and children rolling in this whirpool of understanding and managing each other, it reminds me whenever i deal with my teen daughter!
But this post is not to add too many suggestions but one impeccable,
Just keep one word in mind and that is called RESISTANCE. We all human being have this in different dimension, in different form. You, too, parents are not exceptional. You, too have it, sometimes more, some times less, in some areas more, in some areas less, sometimes recognizable, sometimes so smoothly blended with your own described identity.
Your teen has just started experiencing it. So it's new, attractive, precious and mostly unrecognizable play kit for him/her!
Sometimes it's the pride of their pseudo identity "i can't help, i'm like that!"
But why resistance is so dangerous?
1. It's invisible and within
2. It knows all the weakness of the person it belongs to
3. It becomes a part of the pseudo identity with the age
4. It stops the growth/improvement/success path of the person all around
5. It may become stronger with the age
and many more......
As a parent what mistakes very commonly we do to deal with the resistance of our children
1. We are unable to bring the awareness to our children about this common internal virus in a non judgmental way at a right time
1. We try to push the stone with a stone, it creates friction, takes more energy, generate stress
2. We loose our emotional management...
3. We start feeling as failure and
4. We mostly never share our resistances and the consequences we faced in our own lives because of this
And so many....
I hope , if you read this write up, till here, you will take a pause, and think back...
We are not done with our own lives, and to make change, the numerals of our ages don't matter! A small change in us can manifest big in our children's lives.
Before ending up, just a reminder what can be the consequences of unhandled unrecognized resistances with time:
1. Stagnant and unsuccessful professional life
2. Broken relationships
3. Poor decision making skill
5. No growth
I personally feel the inner epidemic caused by this inner virus is no way less than the outer pandemic!
( If you want your teen to come out of these blocking resistances, permanently, register in my upcoming workshop SUPER TEENZ SUPER 3C HACKS )